I am going to Africa!

Yes, yes - I've been talking about it for a long time. Technically, for years. I've always said that I want to go overseas - to Africa - to teach, work with orphanages, open schools and clinics, love on the children who have nobody... Since I was 16 I've wanted this... I've wanted this to be my dream. But now it's turning into a reality... and I'm freaking out a little.

My mom used to tell me a story about a monkey who happened upon a farmer's pumpkin patch. The monkey loved pumpkin seeds - and immediately set to work poking a hole just big enough for his hand to fit in the biggest, most delicious looking pumpkin. He squeezed his little hand into the pumpkin and grabbed up as many seeds as he could - only to discover he was stuck! He couldn't get the seeds out! He squealed and squawked and made such a racket that the farmer came out with his shotgun. Even though letting go of those few precious seeds would have saved his life, that monkey couldn't do it. He couldn't think past what he wanted right then and there. He couldn't let go.

I don't want to fight or struggle for I want. All I really want is to let go of what I think I want and give in to what God wants for me. I feel most certain that He has put these dreams and desires inside my heart - these giant dreams that I'm certain will take a lifetime to fulfill, and will lead me down some very lonely red dirt roads... He who has breathed life and passion into me, He who has given me His nature and His heartbeat - He is leading me with each step towards this new and kind of terrifying adventure.

I'm going to Africa! Seriously! :)


Who in their right mind wants to give up the content and convenient life of being an American young adult for the bumpy dusty roads and disease-infested corners of the "dark continent?"  Who in their right mind dreams about being around runny-nosed, fly-covered, starving children? Why would anyone desire a third world lifestyle over the convenience of lightening fast internet, talk-to-text, two minute drive-through coffees, Friday night chick-flicks on a giant flat screen TV, a closet full of colorful clothes, a fridge full of fresh food, ice-cold water right out of the faucet? How could anyone actually desire to leave that?

Am I ungrateful? Am I selfish? I don't know.

What I do know is that I am packing. I am packing for Africa. I quit my job, shut off my cell phone, minimized all my bills - and I'm going to Africa! I think it's just hit me - that I'm being given an opportunity to live my dream. I'm getting the chance to do everything I've wanted to do - everything I've dreamed about. How many people get that chance??

First off, how many people actually know what they want to do with their lives? Second, how many people actually get the chance to do it?? It's amazing - and I'm amazed. I'm amazed that somehow God has worked this out for me. Senseless, indecisive me.

Up until now I've been sort of numb inside. Numb to the realization that this is God... I guess I don't really know what I've been thinking or feeling. I felt certain that quitting my job was right - my first "big girl" job with a great salary, insurance, benefits, my own office, my own phone line... Leaving was right.

I feel as if the river has dried up here in America. I feel like Elijah did when he ran out of options - when his brook dried up before him, and he had to leave his safe place. I have nothing left here. My job was only able to sustain me - not push me forward into what i wanted, and while my dad, my little dog, my friends and my boyfriend are amazing and make life worthwhile - I feel there is so much more I need to do with my life. I have a calling - a destiny.

I have a destiny, and I feel like so far I have done nothing towards it. And suddenly God has opened this door for me! Yes, I know that not every open door is God's perfect will, I feel as if this packing and leaving home is getting me one step closer to what I've always dreamed of doing.

I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my family there; Aunts, uncles, cousins, and old friends whom facebook has allowed me to keep in contact with through the years. I may have a job to start. But I'm going to be so close to Pemba, Mozambique and even closer to Kwasiza Bantu... and that is where my dreams start.

So like that little monkey, I have to let go of what I think I want. So in my mind and in my heart, I am letting go, freeing myself from anything holding me back, and just focusing on the fact that - finally... finally - I am going to Africa!