this is what He said to me...

i love you when you're happy
i love you when you're sad
i love you even when you're being
loved by someone else

i love you when you need me
i'll love you if you don't
i love you if you push away
but i really hope you don't

i love you when you trust me
and i love your every tear
just so you know, it breaks my heart
when you won't let me near

i love you more than ever
and my love grows more each day
and just so i know you know
i love you more than i could say

i don't

i don't like to say that i'm wrong
and i don't like to say that i'm not okay
but i'm not okay

i don't like not talking to you
but i don't wanna hear what you've gotta say
cause it's not all okay

and everyone will say "i told you so"
and i don't wanna hear it
everything will change when you go
and i don't wanna see it, no
no i don't

i don't like that look on your face
and i don't like the way that it makes my heart ache
but things change

i don't wanna see you again
cause i lied, and you lied, and now this is the end
this is the end


and everyone says "girl, i told you so"
and i just don't wanna hear it
everything will change when you go
and i don't wanna see that, no
no i don't

cause i'm too late for sorry
so baby don't worry about it
if i told you i loved you
i know that you would just doubt it
you say that i don't, please don't
don't say that i don't, no don't

i don't like to say that i'm wrong...

and i know that i'll love you...

it feels like i know you
in some mystic way
and if i could just show you
you'd see right away

from somewhere inside me
your face came to view
it was almost as real
as a face that i knew

and i know that i'll love you
with a love more than love
with a daring desire
as the sun's fire above

with eyes shining, burning
you met my still gaze
and my heart knew your heart
leaving me in a daze

though dreaming, you found me
and hope was infused
for the day when i wake up
and get to hold you

and i know that you'll love me
with a love more than life
and a tangible one-ness
as the rain in the skies

i'll give all my heart
and hope it's enough
but i know that i'll love you
with a love more than love

eraser

i wish i could tape over the words inside my head
that one little line that you never should have said
i'd fill the void with music, with something loud instead
or maybe something quiet, or a story that i've read

go; just go away now please
and take your lies with you
before i hear another word
and rethink all this through

i wish i had some white-out that could make you go away
at least the way you smiled when you saw me look your way
i did my hair all pretty, and you made me wait all day
and i don't think it's fair that i have to act okay

go; just go away now please
and take your silly games
get your name out of my head
and all the happy things you said
that made me like you till today
please won't you go away
just go; i'll be okay

kisses

my heart's beating faster
though i'm not quite sure why
these feelings are foreign
its unlike me to try

in a moment at midnight
you whispered to me
a little white lie
and a kiss on the cheek

your fingers around mine
confused my heart still
and when your lips found mine
it messed with my will

words just mean nothing
but your voice was sincere
and you seem to be honest
at least from right here

so i guess you can stay
at least for tomorrow
with kisses i'll take
and we'll see where it goes.

:)

so...

at night, after all the crying children have gone to sleep,
this hospital kinda sounds like an airplane.
the same noises it makes...
only thing that's missing is the uncomfortable seats. :)
but i could still pretend...

so...
where are we off to tonight?

moments...

hello. :)

i am now twenty-one, one week, and one day. AND the proud owner of a new, shiny, state-of-the-arkansas drivers license! superior to all others in its class D. i give you all freedom to be as envious as you wish.
so far, being twenty-one has been rather convenient, mainly in the workplace. you see, being an under age waitress in a dry county produces major problems when serving alcohol to your tables. ordering the drinks is no trouble at all, but when everyone is busy and, being under twenty-one, you can't actually physically carry the drinks to your table, it sometimes gets messy. regardless of how close your table is to the bar, you have to find a someone (preferably who works there) over the age of twenty-one to handle the alcoholic beverage from bar to customer. its ridiculous. however it is also the law. one which, now that i'm old enough, i will openly admit to breaking a time or two under business circumstances almost out of my control.
whatever. don't act like you wouldn't have done the same thing. i still like my job.
and my birthday party was wonderful thanks to tristan, jolie, and all my fabulous friends (and some acquaintances). i made it ten shots through my shot book. we have yet to enjoy the last 11 pages. hehe.

it was a beautiful day today! sunny, clear, and almost warm! considering the monstrous clouds which have been a constant companion the past four days, it is refreshing to once again believe that summer may be fast approaching. as for the monstrous clouds, though, some good did come of them. rain. lots and lots of rain. three days ago, i spent alot of time in the rain.

ever notice the parts in movies that make life seem so much more interesting? like, the really simple but crazy parts that make you want to do what they did? in the notebook when ally and noah lay in the middle of the road or kissed in the rain? and in twilight when edward and bella 'climbed' the tall trees? or in mr. and mrs. smith when they... ok analogy stops there. hehe. :) {tristan will know how to finish that sentence!}
anyway, she and i recently had a 'movie' moment. and it was... so invigorating. saturday night we went to the cutest little restaurant for jolie's birthday dinner. fred's hickory inn- lovely, just don't order the sirloin- but that's another story. after dinner, (instead of going to a baseball game- remember- its raining) we hula-hooped in walmart for a while, purchased a board game, then went back to the girls' apartment to turn it into a drinking game. after a few cocktails and a silly string fight, jolie decided to go to her brother's house to finish out the evening while tristan and i then headed out to the hot tub, despite the sprinkling-ness of the evening. we drove my car around from her apartment to mine, stripped down to the bare necessities (swimsuits- not totally bare- goodness!) and we ran for it.
about half an hour into the sprinkles, the wind began to pick up, foreshadowing quite the storm! but of course, the thick-headed, adventure-thirsty females that we are refused to be swayed by a litte rain. besides, we were already in the hot tub! you know the saying, when it rains, it pours? well, my friends, pour it did.
it was our perfect movie moment: arms up, mouths open with laughter, and dancing in the pouring rain, entirely lost in the moment of twirling like children. it was incredible! how foolish we must have appeared to to any unfortunate onlookers... however we soon found just that!
through the heavy rain mixed with steam from the scalding hot tub, i noticed two beady eyes watching us from the side of the pool. not watching- staring! we soon discovered that these eyes belonged to none other than a frog. not just any frog, mind you. a GIANT frog. a frog that could easily be mistaken for a watermelon with eyes. yes, it was huge!
if God's plague on the egyptians was frogs anywhere close to the size of our spectator, i can totally see how mortifying it must have been for them.
so i decided to get the frog. however, let me just say that i've never in my (21) years come across any amphibian so terrifying. (seriously- the "frogs" in memphis are the size of a quarter- an egg if you're lucky!) my prey sat there silently- watching me approach cautiously- and slightly clumsily from the quickly consumed cocktail. as each tiptoe drew me nearer, i reached out a toe- as if testing the water- towards the massive creature with his beady eyes. then suddenly, with a swiftness which no knight in shining armor could possess, it leaped! as if in automatic response, i leaped, followed by the frog leaping again, and me screaming at the top of my lungs and running back into the hot tub. (in hindsight, i'm surprised the whole apartment community didn't come after me with pitchforks for waking them at such an hour. i suppose the incliment weather helped drone out my piercing shreiks...)
then tristan tried. it went a little better for her. our enemy soon realized he wasn't welcome, and then immediately retreated as she marched upon him. the little weasel escaped through the fence with his legs flailing behind him.
of course only after his rapid departure did we decide that we needed him for a few test kisses. hehehe.

the rest of the night... shall stay disclosed in my personal box of favorite moments with best friends. :)

seeing as i was up till 2am doing homework and studying (like any normal college student i suppose) i am sufficiently exhausted. today has been productive. at least it feels that way now, as i head towards my welcoming pillows...

*************************************
tonight, i am thankful for... my roommate. :) and for the hope of spending a few days next month with marianna! i can't wait. i am thankful that God is unfolding His perfect and much sought after will in the lives of each member in my family. i am thankful for my exciting and unusual hot tub experience. make that my exciting and unusual life. ;) yay for springtime.
goodnight.